Top 10 List

Top 10 list of things not to say to a pregnant woman...you would think that most of these are obvious, but unfortunately that's not usually the case....



#10 The WORST part of pregnancy/delivery for me was....

(Glad to hear you enjoyed the experience so much. Sounds magical. Also, did I ask for your unsolicited advice? If I want to know, I'll ask!)



#9 How much weight did you gain?

(None of your beeswax! As if I'm not already thinking about how I'm going to lose 4o pounds at the end of this gig! I may be nursing this kid until he's 3 just to burn off some extra calories (that was a joke for those of you who get freaked out when someone nurses past 6 months).)



#8 Breastfeeding is one of the most difficult things you will ever attempt.

(Thanks for the encouragement?)



#7 Are you still feeling comfortable or are you miserable yet? Oh...the last two weeks will be misery.

(All of the same people who were telling me that I was going to be sick as a dog...that never happened either. But again, thanks for the encouragement!)



#6 Do you have everything you need? Oh...it's impossible to have everything you need, as a first time parent you could never be prepared for what's to come.

(There is nothing left for me to buy for this kid, I have wiped out the Babies R Us catalog. But I'm thinking that a few onsies, diapers and some breast milk will do the trick anyway! Infant survival rates aren't affected too much by whether or not you purchased a diaper warmer or not.)



#5 You're going back to work? We'll see if that's really going to happen.

(Well if you would like to send me a weekly paycheck for being a stay-at-home mom then I will happily quit my job. Until then I don't really have a choice...so back off!)



#4 How are you feeling? How are you feeling? How are you feeling?

(This is acceptable in the beginning of a pregnancy when a woman is dealing with morning sickness and also acceptable toward the end of the pregnancy when she may begin to feel uncomfortable or anxious about going past her due date. Just don't ask the same question everyday! Come up with something different or even better....something not related to pregnancy!)



#3 You're having a natural childbirth? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(I don't judge your method of childbirth, why do you judge me?! At least pretend to encourage my decision instead of telling me how terrible it's going to be. And then turn around and talk about me behind my back, that's what I would do! The best is when it's a man laughing in my face. My typical response is, "How many children have you given birth to in your lifetime?")



#2 DID YOU HAVE THE BABY YET?!

(Oh yeah, I had the baby and forgot to tell anyone! Oops. Thanks for the reminder. Nooooo! What I want to say: I am going to hang myself the next time someone asks me that! What I really say: When I do I promise you will be one of the first ones to know!)



And the NUMBER ONE most annoying thing people love to say to pregnant women.....



#1 Sleep now while you can because you will never sleep again!
(DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You are not the first person to have ever had a baby. I see some of these idiots survive child rearing, I think I will somehow manage too.)