Austin Trip

Turner took his first trip to Austin this week at just under a month old! His daddy can't sit still for too long so we decided to take a trip to get away for a few days. My initial instinct was to ask Troy if he was crazy and tell him there was no way that I was taking a three week old baby on a road trip! But the more I thought about it the more it seemed like a good idea. Turner sleeps most of the time and Troy wanted to get away. So why not?

We took off Wednesday morning to Lakeway Resort & Spa in Austin and stayed through Friday.

We went to several restaurants in the area and sat out on the patios. The weather was perfect, we couldn't have planned it any better with the timing, it was wonderful.

We went to the Austin Zoo out in the middle of no where. Only when we arrived at the first animal, the goats did we realize that Turner might be a BIT too young to visit the zoo and enjoy it. But we had a good time nonetheless.

There was a mama lion and a daddy lion who had just had lion cubs only 8 weeks prior. Each day they would take the cubs to a different environment to display the cubs. The mama and daddy lion went nuts for the whole hour their cubs were gone. I looked at Turner and told Troy that I could totally relate to the poor mama lion...I would be mad too!

Some pics from our trip...

The sign reads "Salt Lick cannot be responsible for unattended children".

Salt Lick BBQ. Troy got all-you-can-eat and he ate it up!

Touring the resort in our Moby Wrap. Daddy and baby at sunset.

Turtle. Turtle.

A not-so-patient mama lion waiting to get her cubs back.

Things I Never Want to Forget

When my midwife excitedly announced, "We just delivered your toddler!"

When instead of saying something beautiful after his birth I announced to the nurses that he looks like the monster on The Goonies because of the shape of his (short lived) cone head just after birth.

When Turner pooped on me less than 10 seconds after delivery. Troy was trying to wipe me off and I told him that it wouldn't be the last time.

Which brings me to my next memory that I never want to forget...

When Turner pooped on me during his second bath ever. Sprayed yellow down my front. Good times.

How Troy was able to figure out all of the best ways to sooth Turner. For two weeks before I had the baby I bounced on my exercise ball. Go figure, when we got home and Turner was fussing, the best solution was to bounce on the ball with him! Troy also figured out that putting the heating pad in his bassinet and removing it just before Turner went to sleep helped to settle him in for the night in a warm bed. He learned that from the nurses who used warm blankets to swaddle in the nursery at the hospital. While I was at a loss for ways to soothe him and I didn't know what to do when he cried, Troy was always able to find a solution. Amazing.

When I took Turner to church for the first time at 7 days old. He needs to know that we are Baptist and we are there when the church doors open and we are the last ones to leave (as his Gigi would say).

When he puts his tiny hand on my chest while he's eating. And I can imagine him growing up before my eyes and I already miss him being a tiny baby.

How I can feel a stirring, tingly, swirling feeling in my chest, hands and on my stomach when Turner is hungry in the middle of the night and just beginning to fuss when he needs to eat. It was so confusing at first because I swore I was feeling Turner wiggle on my chest but I woke up to realize that he was in his bassinet where I left him when we went to sleep. That feeling is so difficult to explain! But it's like a built in natural alarm clock saying that my baby needs to eat. Amazing!

The E.T. noises he makes when we change his diaper. The grunting noises he makes after eating and how he's out of breath after eating as if it's so much work (and maybe it is!). I usually look at him and tell him that "Life is hard, isn't it?".

The sweet and satisfied noises he makes when he's drifting off to sleep soon after eating.

How he can't eat and poop at the same time. I tell Turner, "Of course you can't eat and poop at the same time. No man can multi-task, it's not your fault."

Watching Troy put him in the bouncer and his Jeep walker though he is WAY too young and our moms gripe at him for not being gentle enough with him. Hilarious.

How for the first week or two while I was waiting for my hormones to level out I found myself praying often, "Lord, in your name take this thought off of my heart and off of my mind in your name." It was the greatest way to get a horrible thought off my mind and remind myself that God is in control of our lives. It was the best way to clear my mind and give myself a chance to sleep peacefully while Turner was sleeping at night. Thank you, Lord! He absolutely got me through this and I don't want to ever forget that.

The emotions of the last two weeks and how difficult nursing is...SO rewarding but probably the greatest challenge of my life. I often think I would rather go through another unmedicated labor than have to learn (and go through the soreness) of nursing a baby! Each night for the first week I was very tempted to switch to formula. That way the pressure and responsibility wasn't on me to get Turner fed. I felt like I was the only thing keeping him alive and healthy. But each day gets easier. And it's the best way for me to bond with my baby. And the 3am sessions are getting progressively easier though I find myself wishing that he was already sleeping through the night ;)

How when Turner's fighting sleep he puts out a BIG yawn and then one BIG cry and falls asleep immediately after.

Watching Troy read to Turner and dancing with him to the "mixed tape" CD Shannon made him. Don't Worry be Happy is my favorite I think. Also hilarious.

More to come I am sure....

First Day Out

Today was a b-e-a-utiful day! We took a walk this afternoon out by the lake and saw an alligator on the way. Look out Gussy!

We later went up to the church to rehearse for Troy's debut as Jesus for the Maunday-Thursday skit and the Easter service play. It took us all of 7 days to get Turner into a Baptist church! The choir (which includes his "Pops" (a.k.a. my dad)) was rehearsing as well. I got to bring Turner into the rehearsal and present him to the entire choir and hear their "oohs" and "awwws" of everyone. It was so nice and so many people who have loved Troy and I for so many years got to see him and hold him. Now I know why new moms want to get out of the house, it was so relaxing! We got to see Troy rehearse his lines and we listened to the choir for an hour or so. I told the choir to sing on-key so that we could develop Turner's " perfectly pitched ear". Who would think that something so simple would be so nice!?

The first few days were emotional but I'm finally feeling like happy-silly self again! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

I Think it's Time...

Well, I didn't actually say that, we all know that only happens on sitcoms. But I did say something along the lines of "I think this is really it."

I had so much false labor that it was difficult to tell when the real deal came. Well, I wouldn't call it false labor, it got me to 5 centimeters dilated before I ever went into active labor. "False labor" almost seems like an insult since it got me half way to where I needed to be!

Anyway, I woke up Saturday morning at 3:30am and was having contractions. I fell back to sleep until 7am, but by 7am I knew that it was happening. I took a shower, blew my hair dry and put on some make-up. I woke Troy up at around 7:30 to let him know and to ask him to start loading the car.

I was having good contractions but they were not too consistent so we decided to wait until around 9am to call our midwife.

I was having a significant contraction when my cell phone rang. As it was a "Private" number calling we decided to let it go to voicemail. It turns out that my midwife was actually calling me on the other line to say that she wanted to meet me at the hospital to get checked out because she and the other midwives couldn't believe that I was walking around 5 centimeters dilated for 4 days! Fortunately, we were able to call her back immediately and tell her that I was in labor anyways and that we would meet her at the hospital within the hour!

We very calmly packed the truck up and got everything together and left the house by 10:15am. In the process I wrote a thank you note for a gift we had received that morning and dropped it off at the mailbox. We were taking out time...

Troy and I chatted in between contractions and we laughed together about how the day was FINALLY here. Turner decided to come a week late and I'd had my hopes up since week 38 that I was going to have him soon seeing as how I was 3 centimeters dilated by week 37! Sheesh!

But as always, God had things under control and the whole thing was in His hands. Who gets to go into labor at 7am on a Saturday morning?! His timing was truly impeccable.

When we arrived at the hospital by 10:45am they immediately checked us into a room and began preparation for labor. An annoying nurse asked us a hundred questions and Troy had to pause her during my contractions because she failed to notice when I stopped responding. Clearly she didn't realize how far along I was when I arrived!

Shortly after we got there the midwife on-call arrived, Theodora Defrancesco (http://www.womenspecialists.com/OurTeam/Midwives/tabid/76/Default.aspx - top right of picture - we'd had a very special bond from the beginning and I thank God that she was able to deliver Turner, she's exactly the person who was supposed to be there for me) and she checked me. I was 90% effaced and 7 centimeters dilated at this point. Wowza!

Theadora sat down on the couch and was chatting with Troy and I in between contractions. She looked at me and said, "Most women are not able to sit around and chit-chat when they are at 7 centimeters dilated. They are normally introverted and focused at this point." Theodora explained to me that there was a slight concern that the baby was too big and that is why he wasn't descending. So they called the on-call doctor within the practice (the 4 midwives are supported by 7 doctors in case a c-section or other medical attention is required at the time of delivery) and asked her to stay at the hospital until I delivered...just in case. The doctor on call that day was Dr. Boswell.

Theodora had me lay on my side and partly on my stomach. AS SOON as we made that change the contractions were ROLLIN'. Twenty minutes later she checked me again and I was 9 centimeters and almost completely effaced. At this point I was ready to push!

Theodora was able to pull the last bit of my cervix out of the way to let Turner's head (giant head, I might add!) begin to drop. Now we're cookin'! No more chit-chatting. This is when it got tough, but there was no turning back!

I walked around the room, went into the bathroom, and then ended up on my knees facing the back of the bed. All along Troy and Theodora are at my side coaching me and encouraging me. It was very intense.

Troy held my hand the whole time and stayed quiet and controlled. Me on the other hand....not so quiet. Troy later told me that he knew I was loud but he never knew my vocal strength to it's fullest potential. Now he does.....! It was a great release and since at this point there is no way to get comfortable, screaming is the best alternative. I found this to be true when getting my butt kicked in racquetball by Troy, Sky & Matt in college as well. Just when you think you can go no further you push yourself to the max physically. And THIS was a marathon, screaming may not have helped, but it made me feel better!

I asked Theodora if I could get up and walk or get in the bathtub and she said that we were way too far along for me to get up. So they sat me up, the nurse had one leg, Troy had the other (in addition to donating his other hand to his wife to squeeze like the jaws of life when needed).

I probably told Troy that "I can't do it" about 10 times. But it was sort of my way of tricking myself into believing that I somehow had another option. I closed my eyes, I zoned in and we did what needed to be done. I never asked for an epidural and I never used a single swear word...so that's success in my book!

According to Troy I pushed for about 30 minutes. When I closed my eyes and began to push I had Troy holding my left leg and the nurse holding my right. I progressively heard more and more voices cheering me on with "you can do it" and "you're almost there". At this point there were at least 10 people surrounding the bed. This included several nurses, doctors in training, as well as Dr. Boswell who was backing up Theodora. I held on to Troy on my left hand side and Dr. Boswell on my right hand side and I gave it everything I had.

Eyes closed, chin to chest I zoned in and got his head out. I opened my eyes (knowing that the end was in sight) to see that Troy had rounded to the end of the bed and was delivering Turner! He looked in my eyes expecting me to say something spiritual and in a panic I told Troy to "GET HIM OUT!". See, my fear was that he would somehow accidentally fall back in and I would have to do the whole thing over again. Ha ha. But he slid out his other shoulder, torso and legs and placed my sweet and slimy baby on my chest.

Theodora later explained that she had seen Troy's North Texas Football bag and knew that he had good hands. I guess if you can catch a football going 50 miles an hour as a receiver you can catch a baby. Makes sense! So she allowed him to deliver his own child. She later said that he didn't hesitate for a second. What an amazing surprise!

Turner laid on my chest while they cleaned him up and he gave us a good cry. I had a 1-degree tear and while she fixed me up I was able to nurse my brand new baby for about 45 minutes. He was a pro from the start! An 8 pound 13 ounce little bundle of joy. He was 20 and 1/2 inches.

When we asked Theodora if he was going to be a lineman or a receiver she said that it was a safe bet that he will be a receiver. Judging by his height and the his little turtle shell biceps, he's going to be a runner like his Papa. And I think she was right!

Troy and I got to spend the next 45 minutes laughing and crying over Turner (well, he cried a few happy tears, I just thanked God that it was over and that Turner was healthy).

I soon realized that I told Troy that he couldn't leave me just yet. Glancing at the clock I realized that had been 40 minutes since I had the baby and our family was still waiting in the waiting room for news of his birth! I told him to "Go! Go! Let everyone know that we are fine!"

My mom came back first. Then my sister and Troy's mom came back. Though the sign on the door stated that only 2 people were allowed in the room at a time, we quickly ended up with about 12 people in the room! It was wonderful. Our closest friends and family there to love and support us. Pastor Phil came by to read a scripture and to say a prayer over us. For a minute it was absolute bliss. We joined hands and came together. It felt like a dedication right then and there. I know that everyone in that room will forever love, support and nurture Turner. I will never have to worry that he will not be LOVED enough.

We spent the next 2 days in the hospital reminiscing about our experience. Troy later told me that when the doctor said to look at the head he thought she was crazy. He didn't see the brown hair he had expected to see. Instead he realized that a BIG (and trust me, it was big!) bright blonde head was emerging instead. Our little blonde hair Turner made his way into the world at 2:06pm.

He also gave me the greatest compliment I could have ever expected. He explained to me that watching me work so hard made him realize that after so many years of track & football practice and working out at the gym that he had never truly pushed himself to the limit. But that I in labor had truly pushed myself to the absolute limit. He said that he actually could feel the strength coming through my arm. And just when he thought I couldn't give any more of myself I gave it another push and helped Turner progress into this world. I think he may have even used the word incredible (though I am known to embellish).

If you had asked me even 48 hours after labor if I would ever have another natural (without-even-so-much-as-a-Tylenol, as Theodora put it) childbirth I probably would have told you no. But I might be willing to take that amazing (and maybe a little terrifying) journey just one more time...

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I was initially given February 8th as my due date and then they came back the next visit and adjusted my due date to February 5th. My first due date has come and gone and now the end of my second due date is rapidly approaching.

I have been 3-4 centimeters dilated for 3 weeks and have been told that it could be "any day now" for a couple of weeks.

At this point I guess it's just a waiting game!

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, prayers and encouragement. It shouldn't be too long now!

Fear.

I posted a blog last night at 2am that was titled "Top 10 List"...it was the top 10 things you should not say to a pregnant woman (that I guess I will be keeping to myself, at least for now). It was supposed be funny with a touch of sarcasm. But I guess it ended up coming across as mostly bitter with a touch of humor (to some people...others not so much (a.k.a. my mom and my husband did not appreciate it). Mom said it was just plain rude and Troy said that it was "a slap in the face to everyone who loves and cares about me and just wants to express their concern". That WAS NOT my intention at all! The people I was referencing don't even read my blog!

Part of me thinks that I started this blog so that I could write about my pregnancy in an uninhibited and uncensored way. It was mainly for myself to remember what I was feeling in each stage of pregnancy. But I would never want to express my opinion if it was going to be at the expense of someone else's feelings.

To be honest, I'm just scared to death of what's to come. The way my pregnancy will unfold. When I will go into labor. If I will go into labor on my own. The pain of labor. Whether or not I will be able to make it through a natural childbirth. The prospect of having to have a c-section. Not being able to nurse my baby. Not sleeping a full 8 hours again for who knows how long.

And it's easier to take it out on the people around me and to place my anxieties on them than to sit down and actually face the fears of labor, delivery and motherhood. It's my coping mechanism.

I have always found it easier to laugh something off than to really deal with it. Sometimes that is a blessing and sometimes it's a curse. I set out with this pregnancy to be the toughest pregnant lady ever. I wasn't going to complain. I wasn't going to show any weakness. I wasn't going to depend on anyone else to help me. Being pregnant was not going to slow me down! I would not be affected by hormonal changes or physical changes that came with pregnancy. I wasn't going to cry at Kodak commercials or especially emotional episodes of A Baby Story. And if I did cry, I CERTAINLY was not going to let anyone see!

So instead of admitting my fears, it was easier to blame my mood and my anxiety on those around me. The people who ask me how I'm feeling and want to give advice and share their experiences with me.

I found a scripture on the Facebook profile of someone I went to high school with. It is Proverbs 31:25. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come." THIS is what I was going for, and I may have missed the mark, but I wanted to show other women that be strong and dignified even with the crazy changes that take place during pregnancy. Woman don't have to act like fragile little porcelin dolls. We don't have to whine about being uncomfortable and fat and how we need back rubs and foot rubs everyday. I wanted to prove that with the right mindset this can be a relatively easy process. Piece of cake! But it's not a piece of cake! It's emotionally exhausting. Waiting for birth day. Waiting to meet your baby. And it is a little bit uncomfortable in the last two weeks. Hoisting myself out of bed every 5 minutes to pee. Acid relflux. Weight gain. False labor and contractions. Did I mention WAITING?!

So maybe I can be clothed with strength and dignity, laugh at the days to come, but also not be afraid to show people what I'm feeling. I'm tired of waiting! I'm anxious! I have a million things going through my head at one time. And sometimes I feel like crying!

And if I'm being completely honest.....

I worry that Turner will die inside of me before he has a chance to be born.

I worry that Turner will have Downs Syndrome.

I worry that Turner will be Autistic.

I worry that I will have to have a c-section.

I worry that I will bleed to death after delivery.

I worry that God will not take care of us the way I know He has promised He will take care of us.

But people don't want to hear that! So I will stick to my canned answer of "Fine. I'm doing just fine." Because it's the truth. I know that God will take care of us. I know that Turner is going to be okay. When my mind begins to wonder I am always able to come back to the fact that in my heart I know he will be okay. I am SO unbelievably blessed to be able to conceive a child and I am fully aware that not everyone gets that opportunity. So I feel a great responsibility to never take this for granted.

It's a miracle.

But I also know that I can experience this miracle with strength, dignity, a sense of humor, and still accept the fact that it's emotionally and physically taxing. I don't have to be Wonder Woman! Being vulnerable is not a crime, nor is it a weakness.

I'm a work in progress......maybe I will be able to figure this out by the time Turner has graduated from college ;)

Top 10 List

Top 10 list of things not to say to a pregnant woman...you would think that most of these are obvious, but unfortunately that's not usually the case....



#10 The WORST part of pregnancy/delivery for me was....

(Glad to hear you enjoyed the experience so much. Sounds magical. Also, did I ask for your unsolicited advice? If I want to know, I'll ask!)



#9 How much weight did you gain?

(None of your beeswax! As if I'm not already thinking about how I'm going to lose 4o pounds at the end of this gig! I may be nursing this kid until he's 3 just to burn off some extra calories (that was a joke for those of you who get freaked out when someone nurses past 6 months).)



#8 Breastfeeding is one of the most difficult things you will ever attempt.

(Thanks for the encouragement?)



#7 Are you still feeling comfortable or are you miserable yet? Oh...the last two weeks will be misery.

(All of the same people who were telling me that I was going to be sick as a dog...that never happened either. But again, thanks for the encouragement!)



#6 Do you have everything you need? Oh...it's impossible to have everything you need, as a first time parent you could never be prepared for what's to come.

(There is nothing left for me to buy for this kid, I have wiped out the Babies R Us catalog. But I'm thinking that a few onsies, diapers and some breast milk will do the trick anyway! Infant survival rates aren't affected too much by whether or not you purchased a diaper warmer or not.)



#5 You're going back to work? We'll see if that's really going to happen.

(Well if you would like to send me a weekly paycheck for being a stay-at-home mom then I will happily quit my job. Until then I don't really have a choice...so back off!)



#4 How are you feeling? How are you feeling? How are you feeling?

(This is acceptable in the beginning of a pregnancy when a woman is dealing with morning sickness and also acceptable toward the end of the pregnancy when she may begin to feel uncomfortable or anxious about going past her due date. Just don't ask the same question everyday! Come up with something different or even better....something not related to pregnancy!)



#3 You're having a natural childbirth? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(I don't judge your method of childbirth, why do you judge me?! At least pretend to encourage my decision instead of telling me how terrible it's going to be. And then turn around and talk about me behind my back, that's what I would do! The best is when it's a man laughing in my face. My typical response is, "How many children have you given birth to in your lifetime?")



#2 DID YOU HAVE THE BABY YET?!

(Oh yeah, I had the baby and forgot to tell anyone! Oops. Thanks for the reminder. Nooooo! What I want to say: I am going to hang myself the next time someone asks me that! What I really say: When I do I promise you will be one of the first ones to know!)



And the NUMBER ONE most annoying thing people love to say to pregnant women.....



#1 Sleep now while you can because you will never sleep again!
(DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You are not the first person to have ever had a baby. I see some of these idiots survive child rearing, I think I will somehow manage too.)