C'est La Vie

This started off as a letter to Troy but I realized how ungrateful it probably sounded and decided just to blog it instead. Are you reading husband?

I was reading this blog this morning and I have realized that I am kind of obsessed with balance. I was complaining because I can't give 100% to my job, 100% to my baby, 100% to my husband, and 100% to myself. It's just not physically possible. I so badly wanted to be able to accomplish a great balance and give 100% to everything. But I now realize that I will be giving 0% to work and that's a weird feeling.

Is it okay to mourn this as somewhat of a loss even though I know it's a gain? It's a treasure that I am SO grateful for, but at the same time I recognize that I'm giving up (temporarily) something that I worked really hard for. I earned a degree and I worked my way up to a position and a company that I love. And now I'm just walking away from it. It's a strange feeling.

But I don't think it's bad that I feel a little bit sad. I mourned the loss of sleep and some of the freedom that comes with not having children. That didn't mean that I loved Turner any less or was any less grateful for him.

A friend of mine at work said that your job defines you and you find identity in it...now my identity is a stay-at-home mom. That's a difficult thing for me to wrap my brain around because I have such a set stereotype of who a stay-at-home mom is.

For example, a few weeks ago I was at the mall on my lunch break with a couple of work friends and saw several stay-at-home moms strolling through Dillard's. One was browsing around in her perfectly pressed sun dress and the other was moping around the shoe department in a head-to-toe white outfit holding a Starbucks. Seriously?! I judge. I automatically thought "get a life". But I suddenly had the realization that's going to be ME in a week..minus the all-white outfit, Starbucks coffee cup, mall strolling, washed hair and make-up. More like sports bras, rowing, renting movies, and soccer shorts. But whatever.

If anyone had told me five years ago that I would become a stay at home mom, I would have thought they were crazy. But when I read the following article (I hope I'm giving props to the writer and not plagiarizing in some way) the morning of my last Monday in the office I realized that I am doing the right thing. I am giving up one thing that fulfills me in some ways for another thing that completely fulfills me...my family. I am proud to be defined by my family, my husband and my baby. And there may never be a perfect balance...c'est la vie.

The truth is once we have children - our priorities change. We are still the same people but with one very important change - we are now mothers. And as mothers, everything else in our lives becomes secondary. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as "balance" for moms, it's an urban myth. Yep - created to make us think we can do it all - and balance it all perfectly. However the real truth in life is that there is no perfect balance - only choices...

And my choice has been to be here for my children from day one. As many of you know, I also have my own company which I work on during the late night evenings and weekends to help other moms. I wanted there to be a strong support system in place for all those other moms out there who wanted to be closer to home, more in control of thier schedules and more in control of their lives. And so in my column, in my blog, in my events and now, in my networking company....moms helping moms....it's all about paying it forward and sharing what we've learned thus far about motherhood, entrepreneurship and life in general.

Everyone's definition of success is different in life. For me - my success is being able to be at home for my children and helping other moms find a financially viable way to do it too. For other moms, it may be a way to do something part time, or perhaps even full time with the benefit of being their own boss - ie - they call the shots.

We have this wonderful gift in Canada with the one year maternity leave. And many moms have a lot of time to consider other options while they are on maternity leave.

Think about your options - they do exist. And think less about "balance" and more about priorities...listening to that inner voice and making the best choice for you and for your children.