Relief.

I sit here in the middle of the night unable to sleep...reflecting back on my feelings after giving birth to Turner. Some people will say that it was love at first sight while others will say that it takes time to bond with a baby and that they didn't fall in love right away.

Looking back on the moment that I met my son (still sounds weird to say), I think that though I obviously felt incredible love for him, the most intense emotion was relief. Immediately I was relieved that he was healthy. I didn't need to count his ten fingers and ten toes, everything inside of me told me that Turner was just fine, happy, and as healthy as can be. He was perfect.

Soon to follow was the feeling of physical relief. Not only had the pain and pressure subsided, I immediately took back possession of my body. It may have been a little worse for the wear, but it was mine again no less!

Many people told me that I would miss feeling him squirm around in my belly. Did I miss that? No. I was so ready to meet him and I have no interest in moving backward. I am just really looking forward to getting to know my boy and enjoying watching him grow up.

Everyone says that it goes by quickly and to enjoy every moment. While I can't say that I ENJOY the 3:30 feedings, I can say that I'm soaking up every minute with him and loving being a mommy. I am slowly but surely getting the hang of things. I watch him as he changes each day and grows into the person that God wants him to be. I watch as his Newborn outfits become high-water over night it seems. One day his little stripey pajamas are swallowing him whole and the next I can see his knees when wearing the same set of pajamas. The 3 month old set of overalls that were given to him almost didn't fit the day we put them on him just one day after turning 6 weeks old. How is that possible?!

Every day I fall more in love with him. I think that if I had fully understood just how much I love him immediately after he was born it would have been too much for my heart to bear. But each day I am able to slowly wrap my brain around the love that a parent has for a child.